QuestionAnswer Column with the Straw Hats
by onepiece fanatic
Summary: If you have a question you want to ask any one of the Straw Hats, ask it here! Remember, I'm only updating as much as people review because this is gonna be impossible to write if you all don't ask any questions! DON'T OWN ONE PIECE
1. ASK THE QUESTIONS!

YAY IT'S A QUESTION ANSWER STORY THAT ANY AND ALL READERS CAN PARTICIPATE IN!!

I got the idea for this question/answer column from 'say hi to your mom', but this has a little twist. I'm putting Hoshi in too! So any questions you'd like to ask Hoshi or the rest of the crew, ask away! Post them on a review.

Preferably ask questions to everyone all at once (or at least more than one question) when you review so when I write up your scene, I can fit everyone in comfortably.


	2. Edition 1

**Rivermoore's Horse QA Session!!**

_Rivermoore's Horse: Luffy, what is your favorite thing to do when it's A) raining, B) the ship is in lock down and C) And Sanji...isn't letting you in the kitchen?  
_

Luffy: Hmm… I get pretty bored when it rains because all we can do is sit inside and wait for the weather to clear up…

Rest of the crew: No… really?

FLASHBACK

Luffy: I'm booooored…

Nami: I know you are, just be patient, this storm is going to let up soon!

Luffy: I'm booooored…

Usopp: Oi, be quiet already! I'm working on an experiment here!

Luffy: I'm booooooored…

Sanji: "hits himself in the head" Jeez, this guy…

Luffy: I'm boooooooored…

Zoro: "snore"

Luffy: I'm boooooored…

Whole crew (minus Robin): SHUT UP ALREADY!!

Luffy: I'm booooooored…

END FLASHBACK

onepiece fanatic and R.H.: … do we even want to know?

"rest of the crew sighs"

Luffy: When the ship's in lockdown? I'D PUNCH MY WAY OUT AND FIGHT WHOEVER'S THREATENING MY SHIP, DAMMIT!!!

Usopp: "punches Luffy on the head" THAT'D BE DAMAGING MERRY!

Luffy: WHAT? REALLY?!

Usopp: "falls down" Is this guy an idiot?

onepiece fanatic: You just figured that out?

Luffy: Well if Sanji doesn't let me into the kitchen, I usually sit on Merry's head and wait for him to come out so I can sneak in!

Sanji: "ominous shadows on his face" So THAT'S what you've been doing!

Luffy: "sweatdrops" Yo Sanji!

"moment of frozen silence"

Sanji: "whacking Luffy repeatedly over the head with a frying pan" LUFFY DAMMIT HOW MANY TIMES TO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY FRIDGE!?!?

Luffy: AHH!! "runs around, trying to escape"

Usopp and Chopper: OI! DON'T COME THIS WAY!

"dust cloud forms with Sanji, Usopp, Chopper, and Luffy all yelling"

Nami: "sweatdrops" Those guys…

onepiece fanatic: "sweatdropping" Well thanks for reading the first update! If this made you chuckle, please review! Also, please remember that this is a question and answer story, so post your questions in your reviews! ASK AS MANY QUESTIONS AS YOU LIKE!! Thank you Rivermoore's Horse for providing the first possible update!


	3. Edition 2

**Author's Note: I'M SO SORRY! I THINK I MADE IT UNCLEAR IN THE LAST CHAPTER! YOU MAY ASK AS MANY QUESTIONS AS YOU LIKE! (if you go back and check, I fixed that) I'M SORRY! People have been asking single questions at a time, so I'll throw them all into one chapter. MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES!!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it**

_Thinking_

Talking

'action'

onepiece fanatic: Well let's get this thing rolling! Today we have questions from Zo-zemonkeySan, YolkaEd, blacksinger, blackamorose and flarey phoenix!

Franky: 'poses' SUUUPAAA!!

Luffy: Those people have such cool names!!!

onepiece fanatic: 'sweatdrops' _This is going to be harder than I thought…_ those are just their pennames… ANYWAYS, we have some questions for Zoro, Luffy, Hoshi, and Franky today!

Zoro: 'snore'

Hoshi (OC character, just fyi): 'hits him on the head' Wake up!

Zoro: 'wakes up' …g'morning…

onepiece fanatic: 'reads off a notecard' Our first question is from blackamorose. "Luffy, who do like more than a nakama?"

Luffy: 'blinks' huh?

onepiece fanatic: 'trying really hard to explain' Um… who on your crew do you like, as in like, REALLY like?

Luffy: Whatddya mean? I like them all!

Whole crew: 'sweatdrops' Oi.

onepiece fanatic: 'stress mark' _How the hell do you explain something like love to this person?!_ Who do you love on your crew?

Luffy: What're you talking about? I love them all, they're my nakama!

onepiece fanatic: Like, do you love Nami?

Luffy: Sure I do!

onepiece fanatic: In a 'more than nakama' way?

Luffy: … huh?

Nami: 'slapping her hand over onepiece fanatic's mouth' Ahahaha… okay, move onto the next question!

onepiece fanatic: Next question it is… this one's from flarey phoenix to Hoshi and Zoro. 'reads off another notecard' "Do you guys like each other in a more than friendly way?"

Hoshi: 'turning red' Huh?!

Zoro: 'turns his head away and to all appearances goes back to sleep'

Nami: 'evil chuckle' Zoro! You're blushing!

Zoro: No I'm not!

Usopp: 'pokes Zoro with a grin' You are, you are!

Zoro: Shut the hell up! 'punches Usopp to the other side of the room'

Nami: If you like her, just say it!

Zoro: What about you and Luffy?

Nami: 'suddenly shuts up'

onepiece fanatic: … so much for love-related questions…next question! 'waves the notecard in the air, trying to lighten the awkward mood' This one's from blacksinger. "If (probably more likely when) Hoshi and Zolo get married and have kids, who will be their godparents, and why?" 'sweatdrops' Damn…

Hoshi: 'stress mark' When was this decided again?!

Zoro: 'pretends not to hear' Anyone got any booze?

Rest of the crew: 'sweatdrops' …

onepiece fanatic: NEXT QUESTION!! It's from YolkaEd. 'reads notecard first before yelling it out and sighs in relief' FRANKY! This one's for you! 'What is the most SUPER thing you can do, besides posing cool poses, wearing a speedo and being a kick-ass cyborg?'

Franky: 'poses' SUUUUUUPA!! I can build cool ships, just like the Thousand Sunny! This is the ship that's going to make it to the end of the Grand Line!!

Hoshi: 'holding her ears' And you can yell really loud too…

Franky: 'waves his hand' Oi…

Nami: You're a pain in the ass sometimes too with all your quirkiness.

Franky: 'stress mark'

onepiece fanatic: _Ah… this session isn't going too well…_ Zoro, you have three questions from Zo-zemonkeySan! "1) Is your favorite color green? 2) Are you really trying to compensate for something with those three swords? 3) If you were a soup, what flavor would you be?

Zoro: I've never really given much thought to my favorite color before… green's okay I guess. Three swords is just the technique I use… I'm not compensating for anything. As for soup-

Sanji: That guy would probably make a real shitty soup.

Zoro: 'stress mark' WHAT WAS THAT, ERO-COOK?!

Sanji: You wanna fight, Marimo-head?

'dust cloud'

Chopper: 'hides on the wrong side of a barrel' s-s-scary…

Usopp, Nami, and Hoshi: 'scrambling over the chairs' DON'T COME THIS WAY!!

'all three get pulled into the dust cloud as Luffy laughs, Chopper shivers, and onepiece fanatic sweatdrops'

onepiece fanatic: okaaaaaaay… I guess we'll be seeing you all next time then! Remember, you may post as many questions as you like to anyone you want! I hope you had a good time reading this, 'cause I know I had a good time writing it!


	4. Edition 3

If you guys start asking enough questions, I'll start sectioning off separate chapters for each individual person! It's something I hope to start doing soon, so ask away!

onepiece fanatic: YOSH! We've got a lot of questions today, so let's get started!! We've got a couple questions from Rivermoore's Horse. 'reads off a notecard' This is for the whole crew! "Have you guys ever been to an island NONE of you like? I mean, the moment you stepped on the dock, you wanted to turn right around?"

Nami: 'sweatdrops' … are we including Luffy in this one too?

Luffy: I thought all the islands we went to were really fun! There was an adventure on every single one!

Usopp: The Rainbow Mist island was just damn scary…

Sanji: I don't think any of us (besides Luffy) really liked being on Navarone… it IS a military base after all.

'everyone nods in agreement'

Chopper: I didn't like Navarone very much either… except the doctor lady was nice. Everyone else was pretty much trying to kill us though…

onepiece fanatic: POOR CUTE AND KAWAII TONOKAI-CHAN! LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG!! 'dives'

Chopper: AHH!! 'dodges' I'm not cute! Asshole! Your words don't make me happy at all! 'happy squiggle dance'

onepiece fanatic: Oh, I almost forgot! Rivermoore's Horse has another question for Sanji! "How is it you smoke like a chimney and still run like hell?"

Sanji: Well, I've gotten used to it… we do lots of physical activity on this ship.

Zoro: You are a chimney to begin with… dartboard brow.

Sanji: WHAT WAS THAT, SHITTY MARIMO HEAD?!

Hoshi and Nami: 'whacks both of them on the head' SHUT UP YOU TWO!!

onepiece fanatic: 'sweatdrops' Okay… we have some more questions! These are from say hi to your mom… "Luffy, does your straw hat smell funny after it gets wet? What's the coolest fish you've ever caught? What did it look like?"

Luffy: I dunno about my hat… I've never thought about smelling it before! 'whips it off his head and sniffs it' Hm… it smells like straw.

Usopp: That's cause it IS straw!

Luffy: 'keeps sniffing' It smells good!!

Hoshi: … this is one guy who's easily amused…

onepiece fanatic: You haven't answered the other two questions yet! About the fish!

Luffy: Oh right!! I think the coolest fish I ever caught was that Skyfish that Usopp actually helped me catch on Angel Beach!

Usopp: 'puffs his chest out' Well, it was through 99 of MY effort that we were able to reel it in at all!

Luffy: 'ignoring Usopp' It was huuuuuuge! It was yellow and had these big yellow bumps all over it and a purple ridge on its back! It also had pointy teeth and whiskers like a catfish!

onepiece fanatic: OO wow… 'goes into a daze, imagining the fish'

Sanji: Oh yeah, I remember that! There was also that weird Marine that kept saying stuff like "you are class whatever criminals' and stuff like that…

Nami: Next question, onepiece fanatic!

onepiece fanatic: oh, right! We have a few more questions from say hi to your mom to cover… "Usopp, what's your favorite story to tell?"

Usopp: 'strokes his imaginary beard thoughtfully' Well, I have many stories, but I must say that my adventure against the King Condor that attacked us on the ropeway at Drum Island really surprised me. It was huge, with a twenty meter wingspan, three heads, and six snapping beaks. And as everyone else screamed and cow-

Hoshi: 'hits him on the head' Idiot! If you're going to lie, make it believable! "Three heads and six beaks"? How does THAT work out?

Usopp: 'not listening' And as everyone else screamed and cowered before this gigantic monster, I stood and laughed, reaasuring them all, "A petty thing like this is no match for the great CAPTAAA-

onepiece fanatic: NEXT QUESTION!! "Zoro, ever fallen overboard while napping?"

Zoro: 'stress mark' what sort of question is that?

Luffy: So you have?

Zoro: I have NOT, unless someone pushes me off like that time we picked up Apis in East Blue! 'glares at Luffy'

Luffy: 'suddenly shifty-eyed' Zoro, I have no idea what you're talking about…

Zoro: What the hell… 'goes back to sleep'

onepiece fanatic: 'cough' Okay… um, Sanji, this next one's for you! "Ever kicked Zoro overboard while he's sleeping?" 'freezes as I just realize what I've said' Damn…

Sanji: Nope. 'kicks Zoro overboard before lighting another cigarette' Now I have.

Zoro: 'from the water' WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, ERO-COOK?!

Luffy: 'laughing as he stretches and plucks Zoro out of the water' Oi, Zoro, you look like an idiot!

Zoro: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM **YOU**!!

onepiece fanatic: _Why does it always turn out like this?_ Ahem, next question. These next two are from Zo-zemonkeySan! "Chopper, do you like boxes? Or are you claustrophobic?"

Chopper: Boxes are okay… it's just being inside them I don't like.

'Sanji and Zoro and Luffy all get evil smiles on their faces'

Chopper: AH!! STOP THAT! DON'T PUT ME INTO THE BARREL!!

onepiece fanatic: POOR TONOKAI-CHAN! LET HIM OUT!!

Chopper: 'fainting' S… save me…!

Nami: 'punches them all on the head' STOP THAT!

'Chopper climbs out of the barrel, spirals in his eyes'

onepiece fanatic: … okay… Nami, question for you from Zo-zemonkeySan! "Which do you like best, money, tangerines, or Luffy?"

Nami: L- My money always comes first! Followed by my tangerines!

Sanji: 'heart' Followed by me?!

Nami: SHUT UP! 'punches him into the wall'

onepiece fanatic: 'stares' Wow, can you teach me how to do that?

Nami: 'stress mark' NO.

onepiece fanatic: Our final two questions for the day come from fireyhotspot! The first one is for the whole crew! "If you could be an animal, what would it be?" 'sweatdrop' … damn, I've got a bad feeling about this…

Luffy: I'd be a monkey!

Whole crew: You ARE a monkey!

Zoro: I guess being a tiger wouldn't be too bad…

Sanji: You'd make a better penguin any day.

Zoro: 'stress mark' Shut up! What are you then?

Sanji: Me? I'm a male lion, always protecting my pride (family of lions) and surrounded by beautiful felines! (Note: A pride is usually made up of one male lion and several females… need I say more?)

Zoro: I'd think you'd make a better panda…

Sanji: Looking for a fight?!

Nami: I'd like being a cat! A ginger-colored cat…

Sanji: 'heart' You'd be a beautiful cat, Nami-san!

Chopper: … well, I'm already a reindeer…

Usopp: I think I'd make a pretty good eagle!

Hoshi: I can envision you better as an ostrich. You know, the whole sticking your head into the ground whenever you get scared part.

Usopp: Shut up!

Robin: I've never given any thought to it before…

onepiece fanatic: Well, I personally think of you as a wolf, sort of…

Franky: OW!! I'd make an awesome seagull!

Zoro: Duck.

Franky: 'stress mark' WHAT WAS THAT?!

Hoshi: … I think I'd enjoy being a peregrine falcon… 'grins sheepishly'

onepiece fanatic: And our final question of the day! "Luffy, what animals do you think Ace and Shanks would be?"

Luffy: Ace would be a hyena, and Shanks would be an elephant!!

Ace and Shanks: 'popping out of nowhere' WHO'S a hyena/ elephant?

Luffy: 'sweatdrops' … Yo!

onepiece fanatic: AHAHAHA! Let's not kill one another and we'll end it here today folks! Keep the questions coming!


	5. Edition 4

OPFan: ( - I'm typing my name like this from now on, just FYI) HELLO EVERYONE!! WELCOME BACK TO MY AMAZING COLUMN!!

'cricket cricket'

OPFan: 'sweatdrops' Let me bring in our guests for today, the STRAW HAT CREW!!

'obnoxiously loud cheering and screams from fanboys/girls'

OPFan: 'more sweatdrops' Okay then… before we get started, I'd like to remind everyone to please take a look at the last thing I say at the end of is update! NOW! We have a question from Zo-zemonkeySan for Zoro! "Poor Chopper! Zoro, how could you?!?"

Zoro: Hey, why am I the only one being asked this? Sanji and Luffy did it too!

Sanji: 'shifty-eyed' I don't recall any such thing… what happened?

Luffy: 'also shifty-eyed' I don't know anything about trying to stuff Chopper into a barrel, what are you talking about?

Sanji: IDIOT! THAT'S THE SAME AS SAYING WE DID IT!!

Luffy: WHAT?!

Zoro: YOU BOTH ARE DEAD!! 'runs around chasing the pair of them' I'M GOING TO SLICE YOU BOTH!!

OPFan: um, Zoro? Could you stop chasing Sanji? He has a question from Zo-zemonkeySan too.

Zoro: NO!!

Sanji: OPFan-chan! Wait for me for one second!! 'stops and kicks Zoro in the face' Okay now, ask away!

'Zoro goes tumbling into the water'

OPFan: … okay then, "What would you do if you went bald? Would you wear an eye patch?"

Sanji: 'utterly shocked' What are you talking about!? I'd never go bald!! 'considers the idea thoughtfully' If I did go bald though, wearing an eyepatch might be attractive to the ladies. I could wear a three-cornered hat and-

Zoro: 'climbing over the side of the ship' DARTBROW YOU ARE SO DEAD!!

Sanji: WHAT WAS THAT, SHITTY MARIMO HEAD?!

'dustcloud'

OPFan: _Why does this ALWAYS happen?!_ Okay, our next questions come from 3xPyroxKatanas (whom I will call Pyro for short). "Who's Hoshi?"

Hoshi: 'gapes' AH! How rude!!!

Pryo: ah… gomen, Hoshi… err…

Hoshi: 'smiles' It's alright! I was joking. I'm OPFan's OC character, currently standing as the crew's musician!

(insert the names of all my faithful readers here 'waves' I love you all!): And WE know Zoro's starting to get a THING for you Hos-

Zoro and Hoshi: 'both blushing' SHUT UP YOU BA-

OPFan: OKAY NO YELLING AT THE READERS BOTH OF YOU! THEY'RE THE ONES WHO GIVE THE REVIEWS!! …Ahem, our next question is also from Pyro to Nami. "What's your favorite flower?"

Nami: Huh? I've never really thought about it… The only plant I've ever really associated myself with are tangerine trees…

'spots OPFan sneaking over to her tangerine grove'

Nami: And just what are YOU doing, might I ask?

OPFan: _oh damn…_ 'sweating' um… nothing! I dropped my notecard, see!?

Nami: 'still looks suspicious'

OPFan: ahahaha… we'll get right onto the next question shall we? From Pyro!! "Haramaki! 'pushes him off the ship' YAY!! OH DAMN SHIT BUTTON GOT STUCK 'STRUGGLES' 'POP' yay!" … oh shit…

Zoro: 'climbs over the side of the ship for the second time this session' PYRO!! YOU ARE SO DEAD! YOU'RE NEXT ON MY 'TO KILL' LIST!! Gotta kill that Dartboard-brow and the idiot captain first…

'dust cloud with Sanji and Luffy and Zoro in it forms'

Pyro: Damn… help me Ero-cook!... Luffy!

Sanji and Luffy: 'sticking their heads out of the dust cloud' We're sort of busy at the moment!

Rest of the crew and OPFan: 'sweatdrop'

'lull in activity'

Rest of the crew and OPFan: GYAAH! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS MOVING THIS WAY?!?!

'everyone except for Robin gets caught up in the dust cloud'

Robin: 'turns a page of her book' Well then, since OPFan is a little busy right now… I guess I'll end the session. Thanks for providing the questions making up today's session Pyro and Zo-zemonkeySan! Remember, the rest of you readers, if you'd like to ask any questions to the crew, feel free!!

OPFan: 'pokes her head out of the cloud' After Pyro's comment though, I have decided that you may also open up into random things that you've always wanted to do to the crew, it doesn't have to be just questions anymore! So please post your random actions and questions so I can get the next update up so- 'gets pulled back into the dust cloud'

Robin: 'small sweatdrop' Well, that's it for today then! Until next time!


	6. Edition 5

**OPFan**: WELCOME BACK! Heres to a brand new update and making the names bold for easier reading!

'cricket cricket'

**OPFan:** 'sweatdrops' fine, fine… HERES TO THE ONE PIECE CREW!!!

'more obnoxious screaming'

**OPFan:** 'Kay, remember I said in the last chapter that you could do whatever you wanted to the crew? Here's our first action, starring Zo-zemonkeySan, whom I will call Zo for short

**Zo:** AWESOME! So you're saying I can do this? 'pokes Zoro in the eye and runs for dear life'

**Zoro:** OUCH! 'chases while clutching his eye' GET BACK HERE ZO SO I CAN SLICE YOU UP!!

**Zo:** Mo ha ha! I have a question for Luffy while I'm here! 'screams it out while running' Luffy! If you had to choose between onions or peas, which would you pick? (say meat and I'll do something mean!!)

**Luffy**: EW! They both taste bad! Why can't I choose meat!?

**OPFan**: Because Zo said that she'd do something mean. (or are you a he…? I dunno, I'm guessing)

**Luffy**: 'pout' Hm… I DON'T CARE!! I CHOOSE MEAT! _**MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-**_

**Nami**: LUFFY SHUT UP! 'whacks him on the head'

**Usopp**: 'pulls the ear' YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE US ALL GO DEAF, DAMMIT!!

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrops' damn, this guy's loud… okay, now we have some actual questions! The next few are from Smallstream! 'reads off a notecard' "Nami and Robin, out of your male crewmates, who do you think is hotter?"

**Robin**: 'smiles' They're all handsome boys.

**OPFan**: … what's the point of asking a question like that to Robin? She's like 28 and the rest of the gang's still in their teens for pete's sake

**Franky**: OI!!

**OPFan**: I stand corrected. Franky is also in his late twenties.

**Nami**: Well I think L- NO I MEAN-

**OPFan and Usopp**: 'evil grins' yeeeeeeeeeeeees? "L-?"

**Nami**: Money is what I love! Followed by my tangerines!!

**OPFan**: 'rolls eyes' If you say so… Smallstream also wrote up a question for ZORO!! SO YOU HAVE TO STOP CHASING ZO FOR POKING YOUR EYE NOW!!

**Zoro**: Damn… 'stops running' What's the question?

**OPFan**: "Zoro, what do you think your life would be if Kuina hadn't died?"

**Zoro**: …

'silence'

**OPFan**: C'mon Zoro, you have to say SOMETHING

**Zoro**: I guess it would've meant I'd never met these guys. 'gestures around' I mean, I might have defeated her by now and be looking of Mihawk anyways…

'everybody smiles'

**Usopp**: Aww, Zoro!! 'flings arm around shoulders' How sad a loss it would have been for you if you had never had the privilege to meet the great 'punches the air' CAPTAAAAAAAAAA-

**OPFan:** NEXT QUESTION! Smallstream to Luffy! "Luffy, how did you get that scar under your left eye?"

**Luffy**: 'grins' When I was a little kid, I stabbed myself with a knife in front of my whole village to show them that I'm not afraid of pain!!

**Hoshi**: 'sweatdrops' Wow…

**Franky**: 'bursts into tears' UWAAAH! That's so touching!! 'brings out his guitar from who-knows-where' I'm going to write a song about it! 'The Man Who Stabbed Himself As A Boy To Show The World He Was Not Afraid Of Pain'!!!

**Sanji**: Oi, isn't that title just a bit too long?

**Franky**: SHUT UP!

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrops' okay, next question then… This one's from Sheri-chan! "Question for Robin: Why don't you address the crew by their names?"

**Robin**: Before they rescued me from Enies Lobby, it was because I did not wish to associate myself with them too closely. Now, it's just more a habit, I suppose. 'smiles'

**Nami**: It's sort of sweet, I think.

**OPFan**: "Question for Luffy: If Devil's Fruits taste so bad, why did you eat one?"

**Luffy**: 'laughing' I was mad at Shanks, so I needed something to take out my anger on. I took it out on a piece of fruit that was lying in an open chest!

'crew sweatdrops as Luffy laughs'

**Chopper**: What sort of a reason is that?!

**Hoshi**: … he needs anger management readjustments…

**OPFan**: It was around when Shanks got the wine bottle smashed in his hand, right?

**Luffy**: Yeah, I think it w- hang on, how did you know that?

**OPFan**: 'sweatdropps' I watch the show…

**Luffy**: We're in a show? What sort of show?

'crew and 'if you want to beat up Luffy for not knowing that, insert your name here' tackles Luffy and disappears in a dust cloud' BAKA!!

**OPFan**: 'sighs and goes into the dust cloud, beating everyone on the head at least once' WE STILL HAVE ONE LAST QUESTION FROM SHERI-CHAN! "Question for all non-Devil's Fruit users: If you guys ever ate a Devil Fruit, which one would you want?"

**Nami**: A Devil's Fruit? 'gets an evil smirk' I'd like to be able to copy things, so I can create a whole bunch of money!!

**OPFan**: … wouldn't that be counterfeiting?

**Nami:** Who cares? We're pirates anyways! 

**Hoshi**: I dunno… 'grins' I already have a sort of 'devil's power'…

**Franky**: OW! I'd be able to grow BIIIIG and shoot ginormous cannons out of my arms!!

**OPFan**: Oh save us… he's the last one who needs that sort of power…

**Usopp**: 'smiling' Ah, the whole world would gape at my AWESOME, SUPREME, AMAZING, SUPER-STRONG, UNDEFEATA-

**OPFan** and crew: JUST SAY IT ALREADY!

**Usopp**: 'freezes in mid-pose' ah… um… well… that is…

**Zoro**: I don't want a Devil's Fruit power. I'm going to become the greatest swordsman.

**Sanji**: 'smokes' Well, as long as it doesn't damage my hands in any way…

**OPFan:** and we'll stop there for today because 1) I'm out of questions and 2) I really should stop procrastinating and start studying for my finals… remember, **post your questions and any other totally random actions you've always wanted to do to the crew** (just to see their reactions through me ) I hope you all are enjoying this column!


	7. Edition 6

OPFan: SORRY THIS UPDATE IS LATE!! Yosh, we've got lots to cover today, so let's get started right away!

Luffy: Cool, you made a rhyme!

OPFan: … okay… Well, we have our first round of questions from Busybees! And the first one is for Luffy! "When you finally meet Shanks and give him back his straw hat, won't you have to change the name of your crew? Or will you get another straw hat?"

Luffy: MEAT!!

Sanji: 'kicks' THAT WASN'T THE QUESTION, DIMWIT!

Luffy: …huh? there was a question?

'everyone falls down'

OPFan: LISTEN TO ME DAMN YOU! 'repeats question'

Luffy: well… I never actually named my crew to begin with. The Marines did that. I dunno about the hat, I may get another one… 'sweats'

Zoro: Planning for the future is way too hard for this guy.

OPFan: 'sweatdrop' you're probably right… Sanji, next questions for you! "If you were unable to use your legs in battle, what would you resort to fighting with?

Sanji: I wouldn't have been unable to use them in the first place! 'grin'

OPFan: 'whispers to Nami' they're all idiots, aren't they?

Nami: you're right about that

OPFan: Last question from Busybees! "Chopper: Do you plan on expanding the 'three minute time limit' on you Rumble Balls in the future?"

Chopper: Huh, expand the time limit? I dunno, I haven't really thought about it… 'eyes light up' But maybe if I added some more of 'insert name of complex medical ingredient' and decreased the volume and increased the density of 'insert the name of another complex medical ingredient' … AHH! 'runs into his little lab'

Crew: 'staring in astonishment'

OPFan: … why do I get a sense of impending do-

BOOM!!!

Chopper: 'stumbling out of the lab, burned all over' ahhh… it didn't work…

OPFan: NO CHOPPER! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!? 'dives'

Chopper: AH!! 'runs away and hides behind a barrel' and I'm not cute, you asshole! 'happy dance'

Nami: Aren't there more questions for us?

OPFan: Oh, right! 'glances at notecard' Okay we have a question from iluvchocs to Nami! 'Whenever the crew's short of money (especially if Luffy's used it all to buy meat) hasn't it ever occurred to you to turn Luffy in at the next naval base, collect the money and break him out again that night?'

Nami: Yeah, I have thought of it… and we could've probably pulled it off in the past… 'sigh' but the problem is, we all have bounties now, so it'd sort of be the same as turning ourselves in too…

Sanji: That WOULD be a problem now… 'fumes' WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH MY PICTURE?! IT'S A DAMN SKETCH THAT DOESN'T EVEN REFLECT HOW HANDSOME I AM!!!

OPFan: … yeah Sanji, think what you will about your looks… 'recieves death glares from a million Sanji-fangirls' 'sweatdrop' okay okay! Our next questions are from Zo-zemonkeySan! 'SQUE! Sanji! Zoro was threatening a cute little girl like me! Please get revenge for me! -pouts-'

Zoro: …when was this again?

Sanji: 'heart in eye' MELLORINE! OF COURSE MY DEAR! 'suddenly grows evil' Shitty marimo, you'd better be ready for what's coming for you for hurting a beautiful lady like Zo!!

Zoro: bring it on, Love Cook

'dust cloud'

OPFan: 'sweatdrop' okay… another question from dear Zo… "Franky, have you ever considered wearing pants?"

Franky: I TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT! SPEEDOS ARE SUPAAAA!! 'poses'

OPFan: 'shields eyes' you're blinding me there…

Franky: SHUT UP!!

OPFan: I can't shut up, because we have some more questions from ArtimisBlack555. "HI! -throws rock at Zoro- Is green a natural hair color?"

Zoro: What the hell was the rock for?! 'rubs bump on head'

OPFan: you didn't dodge it?!

Zoro: sort of busy fighting with the Love Cook here…

Sanji: YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!

'dustcloud'

Zoro: 'sticking his head out of the dust cloud' by the way, green IS my natural hair color! I don't remember ever doing anything otherwise to it!

'all people who believe Zoro's hair is really pink': yeah right

OPFan: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GUYS COME FROM!? Ahem, question for Sanji from ArtemisBlack555, "Sanji, SQUEE –glomps- I love you! Did you know Nami doesn't like you? You should hang out with me, I LOVE you –winks-"

Sanji: Nami-san? No, our love for each other burns with the passion of a thousand fiery su-

OPFan: going in one direction?

Sanji: 'ignores' 'heart in eye' ARTEMIS-CHAN! Let me make you dinner anytime! We can talk about things and our plans for the even-

OPFan: that's QUITE enough from you!

Sanji: but-

OPFan: NEXT QUESTION! "HI LUFFY-KUN! Can you steal me a tangerine?"

Luffy: I know I COULD, but I won't. 'points to Nami who is holding a kitchen knife behind him' She'd probably kill me.

Nami: Damn right I would!

OPFan: Yosh, now 3xPyroxKatanas is going to step in and spend some time with the crew!

Pyro: Haramaki! 'grins' gomen haramaki! 'steals his swords and runs to Luffy'

Zoro: OI GIVE THOSE BACK YOU DAMN PYRO

Pyro: Luffy, catch! Make sure haramaki doesn't catch you!

Luffy: Yosh, got it! 'starts running away as fast as possible'

Zoro: PYRO I AM GOING TO KILL YOU AFTER I KILL THIS IDIOT HERE 'chases Luffy'

Pyro: 'runs away next to Robin' hide me Robin! Sorry Luffy! 'looks at Luffy' OI LUFFY! THROW IT TO ERO-COOK!

Luffy: Huh? Okay!

Sanji: 'catches the swords out of reflex' What the hell… aren't these Zoro's swo-

Zoro: GIVE THOSE BACK!!!

Sanji: WHOA!! 'starts running away'

Nami/Chopper/Franky/Usopp/OPFan: DON'T COME THIS WAY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL DOING?! 'all attempt to run away… without sucess'

'dustcloud'

Pyro: Hee, this is fun!

Robin: Pyro-san, do you like doing this?

Pyro: Yea, my favorite thing to do! 'looks again at the entire scene of chaos'

Everyone: PYRO!!

Pryo: oh… crap 'runs away from the One Piece mob pluse OPFan'

Robin: 'looks up from book' It seems that I will have to end today's session again… thanks to all those who wrote. Please keep writing, and OPFan-san promises to have the next update up as soon as possible!

OPFan: 'sticks head out of dustcloud' REMEMBER YOU ARE ALLOWED TO POST ANY ACTIONS YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO IF YOU FELL INTO ONE PIECE, LIKE PYRO DID- 'gets pulled back into dustcloud'

Robin: 'sweatdropping slightly' Well, I guess we'll end it here for today. I hope you all enjoyed this session! 'chuckles' I know I did.


	8. Edition 7

**OPFan**: Sorry this update took so long everyone! We'll start right away with some questions from HogwartsShinobi! First one is for Luffy.

**Luffy**: Yosh! My most precious treasure is my straw hat a-

**OPFan**: I DIDN'T EVEN READ THE QUESTION YET!! 'takes out notecard' Ahem… 'People seem to think of you as thick-headed and not always straight forward with answers. Hell, I don't even know if you will even give me a sane answer right now. But that leads me to my question; Is there more under that straw hat of yours? OMG you're not Emo are you :O lol You're a great pirate and you better become King or Ill kick your ass ;)'

**Luffy**: People think I'm thick-headed?

**Crew and anyone else who loves One Piece**: YES

**Luffy**: 'sweatdrop' Ah… What's being Emo mean?

**OPFan**: 'tackles' NO LUFFY! YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!!

**Luffy**: 'grin' and of course I'm going to become pirate king, so there's no reason for you to have to kick my ass!!

**Usopp**: Carefree as usual…

**OPFan**: well, now we have a question for Zoro from HogwartsShinobi!

**Zoro**: damn…

**OPFan**: 'reading the notecard' It's not a bad one… 'Hey Zoro-kun. Don't worry I'm not gonna insult you or anything. I treat all the members of the Mugiwara Pirates with respect...When I feel like it 'sweatdrop' anyway. I was reading a fanfic and I was wondering if you often dreamed of Kunia during your naps. If it's too personal, gomen. But I respect Kunia-sama alot and I was wondering if you ever talked to her through dreams...'

**Zoro**: No. I think about her sometimes, but I've never actually talked to her. And thanks for not doing anything stupid to me. 'sweatdrop' People seem to do that a lo-

**OPFan**: Ahahaha… NEXT QUESTION! 'whips out notecard' This one's from Zo-zemonkeySan 'Oi Franky!! Can I see if I can fit in your belly??!?!?! –begs-'

**Franky**: 'deadpan' NO.

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrop' okay, so we'll go to the next question from Zo-zemonkeySan for… me! COOL! 'OPfan!! Question for you!! I have a notecard? PLEASE?' Ah… I guess you can… I have a feeling I may regret doing this…

**Zo-zemonkeySan**: -takes notecard, writes I'm gay on it and tapes it to Zoro's back- THANK YOU!! Zoro anata ga suki desu!!'

**Zoro**: WHAT THE HELL!!

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrop' I knew it…

**Zoro**: OPFAN YOU ARE SO DEAD!

**OPFan**: AH! WHAT DID I DO?!?!

**Zoro**: YOU GAVE ZO THE DAMN NOTECARD IN THE FIRST PLACE!! 'chases'

**OPFan**: 'running away' AHHHHHHHH!! THE ATTACK OF THE TALKING MARIMO!!!!

**Sanji**: OPFan-chan! I'll save you! 'starts kicking the crap out of Zoro' DAMN YOU THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO HURT A LADY!!

**OPFan**: … not exactly the rescue I had in mind, but thanks Sanji-kun! Now we're going to have Pyro come in for a bit!

**Everyone**: Shit…

**OPFan**: come on, it won't be THAT ba- 'receives glares' never mind…

**Pyro**: Yo, did you like the trouble i caused before? 'grins and laughs while everyone except Robin is glaring' i thought it was fun! 

**Zoro**: 'unsheaths katana' i still am going to kill you, Pyro...

**Pyro**: 'chuckles uncomfortably' you guys! err... 'thinks' aha! 

**Zoro**: what the? 'confused as well as everyone else' 

**OPFan**: Pyro… I really don't think-

**Pyro**: 'runs to Robin' can you pin down haramaki?

**Robin**: okay, Pyro-san. 'hands hold down zoro'

**Zoro**: WTF! damn witch! 

**Pyro**: YES! arigato, robin!! 'runs to zoro and starts tickling him' i love doing this 

**Zoro**: stop!

**Pyro**: wanna join? 'to others' 

**everyone**: 'smirks evilly at Zoro, who has a bad feeling' OF COURSE!

**OPFan**: 'sweatdropping while everyone joins the tickle-Zoro fest' Pyro, it was really nice knowing you. I'll say my prayers at your grave once Zoro gets free from that… In the meantime 'dives into the tickle-fest and drags out Nami, Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, and Usopp' We have some questions for you guys from Kaiser Aldamon!

**Anyone who is still in the tickle-fest**: Huh? Where'd Zoro go?

**OPFan**: 'chuckles uncomfortably' Ahahaha… we'll get started then. 'takes out notecard'

'Dear Nami/Luffy/Sanji/Zoro/Usopp 

I would like to stuff Nami and Luffy in a very tight closet lying on its side and see what happens (no Nami may not have any weapons, air can get in, and no room for fighting or getting out)'

**Luffy**: …na?

**Nami**: WHAT THE HELL GOES ON IN THAT MIND OF YOURS KAISER?!?!

**OPFan**: Well, you might enjoy it…

**Nami**: 'whacks OPFan on the head with her Clima Tact' Everyone knows the only things I love are money and tangerines?

**OPFan**: 'grins while clutching a very sore spot' Who said anything about love?

**Nami**!!!!!!!

**Luffy**: …na?

**OPFan**: Ahaha, let's continue then… 'Zoro what would you do if Sanji turned out to be gay, would you A) kick his butt all the way to Cuba, B) beat the crap out of him, or C) ship him off to Mihawk and see what happens'

**Sanji**: I AM NOT GAY!!

**Zoro**: He doesn't have to be gay, I'd love to beat the crap out of this guy anyways… and where's Cuba? I don't want to send him off to Mihawk, I'd prefer to kill him myself, thank you very much.

**Sanji**: YOU DIE NOW

**OPFan**: …isn't that what Zoro's line? 'seeing Zoro and Sanji about to blow up' NEXT PART OF KAISER'S QUESTIONS!! 'Sanji what would you do if all the women in the world (except the REALLY ugly ones) fell in love with Luffy and Zoro and you only got stuck with the REALLY ugly ones and i mean ugly with green warts, deformed lips, lazy eye, bald, looks like men.'

**Sanji**!!!!!!! 'falls down with wiggly blue lines floating over his head'

**Usopp**: AH! SANJI DIED!!

**Chopper**: WHAT?! 'runs over and checks heart rate' No… he just passed out…

**Everyone**: 'sweatdrops'

**OPFan**: Ah… okay, Usopp, you have a question now!

**Usopp**: AHA!! A question for the great Usopp-sama… must be a v-

**OPFan**: we don't need to hear that whole egoistic speech now… question: 'Usopp why do you keep telling ridiculous stories that no one believes, heck i even fell asleep from hearing one of them! You stink and deserve to be beaten up by everyone in the crew, mugged, burned, eaten (swallowed whole), starve, watch everything and everyone precious to you in your hometown get burned, and get thrown into a girl's locker room (girls are in there and changing into swimsuits)'

**Usopp**: 'stress mark' WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? All of my stories are TRUE!! And NO ONE deserves to have that stuff done to them!!

**Sanji**: 'hearts in his eyes' PUT _ME_ INTO THE GIRL'S LOCK-

**Nami and OPFan**: 'punches Sanji' SHUT UP YOU PERV!!

**Usopp**: 'marching around and punching the air' ALL MY STORIES ARE TRUE! ALL MY STORIES ARE TRUE! ALL MY STORIES ARE T-

**OPFan:** 'mutters' true as pigs flying…

**Usopp**: speaking of flying pigs, I happened to fight one the other day!

**Chopp**er: 'runs up with stars in his eyes' YOU SAW A FLYING PIG?!

**Usopp**: 'confident nod' 'goes into a whole tangent about fighting the ferocious flying pig with nothing but his shot and one pachinko'

**OPFan**: see, that's the answer to your question. He'll keep telling lies as long as there's SOMEone who's willing to believe them…

**Usopp**: 'stress mark' THEY'RE ALL TRUE, DAMMIT!!

**OPFan**: …okay… I guess we'll end it there for today! Again, sorry for the late update, and keep the questions coming!


	9. Edition 8

**OPFan:** Here we are, back again! Now I'm not going to have ALL the questions posted since the last edition here! Sorry! But there's just SO MANY! And people've been posting actions too-

**Zoro: **If Pyro comes back…

**OPFan**: 'chuckles uncomfortably' OKAY WE'VE GOT A COUPLE QUESTIONS FROM HOGWARTSHINOBI BEFORE 'cough'Pyro'cough' IS GOING TO COME AND SPEND SOME MORE TIME WITH YOU ALL!!!

**Everyone: **WHAT!?! PYRO!?!

**OPFan:** QUESTION FROM HOGWARTSHINOBI!! Message for Zoro, and question for me! "No prob, Zoro-sama! Anyway, question… um… I dunno!"

**Usopp:** Zoro- SAMA?!?!?

**Zoro:** …

**OPFan:** "Hey, OPFan; Why do you name your chapters Edition (number)? -scratches head- Cuz I do that too O.o lol anyway!" Um… because I do!!! "Gawd! NOBODY ANSWERS MY QUESTIONS STRAIGHT FORWARD!!!!"

**Zoro:** I answered your question…

**Luffy:** SANJI FEED ME!!

**Sanji:** No.

**Luffy**: Please? I'm starving!

**Sanji:** No means no.

**OPFan**: Ahem, Pyro's going to come in and spend some time with us today!

**Everybody**: WHAT?!

**OPFan**: Ah…PYRO GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE BEFORE THEY KILL ME!!

**Pyro**: Na… I like causing trouble…

**Zoro**: I'm still going to kill you

**Pyro**: I'm not going to die! Because… er… 'grabs Zoro's katanas and throws them far away' I threw your katanas far away!

**OPFan**: ….Pyro… you know you just signed your own death notice, right?

**Zoro**: PYRO!

**Pyro**: Oh… 'runs away'

**Zoro**: I'd kill you but I need to get my katanas back! 'runs off'

**Pyro**: It's the other way, BAKA!

**Zoro**!!!!!!!!

**Luffy**: Why're you helping him find them?

**Pyro**: CAN he find them?

**Everyone**: 'sweatdrops' you're right…

**Sanji**: she likes to bother the marimo a lot… why doesn't she bother me?

**OPFan**: you got me there Sanji… maybe 'cause she doesn't like you?

**Sanji**: 'blue wiggly lines over his head'

**Robin**: Well, Pyro-san does like Swordsman-san

**Luffy/Sanji/Usopp/Chopper/OPFan**: She does?!

**Nami**: 'grin' I'll show you evidence! HEY PYRO!!

**Pyro**: 'stops shouting at Zoro' Na?

**Nami**: 'holds up a picture of Zoro'

**Pyro**: EEE! A picture of Haramaki! 'grabs it'

**Everyone**: …

**Pyro**: urk… 'sweatdrops and turns to face others' YOU SAW NOTHING!!

**Nami**: Don't be stupid Pyro

**OPFan**: Pyro, you should just tell him instead of torturing him like you always d-

**Zoro**: Finally! Found them and came back…

**Pyro**: AH!

**Luffy**: Na! Zoro! Pyro likes you!

**Pyro**: 'whacks Luffy on the head' SHUT UP!

**Zoro**: If you like me… which I don't care about anyways… why the hell do you keep bothering me?!

**OPFan**: Zoro! That's so mean!

**Pyro**: I like your reaction! 'grin'

**Zoro:** EH? Well, whatever…

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrops'

**Pyro**: Goin' to sleep?

**Zoro**: Yeah, I'm tired. Don't bother me!

**Pyro**: Okay!

**Nami**: That's it? He just had to ask?

**Pyro**: Yeah, unless I WANT to bother him… then I won't care. But I don't want to bother haramaki because I threw his katanas away…

**Usopp**: Oh

**Nami**: I'm leaving

**Pyro**: Yes, she leaves! 'sneaks toward mikan trees'

**OPFan**: she has eyes in the back of her head you know…

**Nami**: Don't you dare Pyro! Unless you want to owe me more beli!

**Pyro**: I'll owe you more beli then!

**Nami**: Fine, but you still don't get any tangerines

**Pyro**: NANI?! 'sighs' oh well… 'sleeps'

**OPFan**: Well see? It wasn't so bad today! She didn't do anything THAT bad today…

**Luffy**: …na? I've suddenly got a bad feeling…

**Pyro**: I'll… cause… more … trouble… next… time… 'snore'

**Chopper**: EH?! SHE TALKS IN HER SLEEP!!!

**Pyro**: Yeah… I… can… hear… you … all… too… it's a thing of mine… strange, isn't it? 'snore'

**Usopp**: Are your really sleeping?!

**Pyro**: 'snores and mumbles'

**OPFan**: Look, she's got the bubble thingy coming out of her nose… that proves she's asleep.

**Luffy**: How're we going to wake her up?

**Usopp**: 'dumps water'

**Pyro**: WHO WOKE ME UP AND GOT ME WET!?! 'glares'

**Everyone**: 'points at Usopp'

**OPFan**: Pyro, don't do anyth-

**Pyro**: Usopp, you die now!

**Usopp**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! 'runs away'

**Pyro**: 'walks toward him… then falls forward'

**Usopp**????

**Pyro**: 'snore'

**Everyone**: …

**OPFan**: narcoleptic… who would've guessed it? 'heaves Pyro over the side of the ship and dusts off hands' Now Zo-zemonkeySan has a few questions! 'takes out notecard' "Ah ha ha! OPFan thanks so much for the notecard! Sorry if it got Zoro mad at you… but he already was though, wasn't he?" … 'sweatdrop'…The whole crew is always pissed at me for letting you and Pyro come to visit…

**Zo**: OMG! Sanji is that a stain on your shirt?

**Sanji**: Huh? 'looks down at his shirt'

**Zo**: 'flicks his nose' Nope, guess not! Franky! 'said like a whiny three-year-old' Why can't I try to get into your belly? …I could fit you know.

**Franky**: 'deadpan' NO.

**Zo**: …please?...

**Franky**: 'stress mark' NO MEANS NO DAMMIT!!

**Zo**: Usopp!! 'runs and tackles him' Sup?

**Usopp**: 'turning blue' Ah… need… air…

**Zo**: Nami! 'runs over, then quickly reconsiders' Can you help me in a secret plan of mine? 'starts to whisper in her ear' I wanna draw on Zoro's face, back me up..

**Nami**: Geez, people really like to torture that guy!

**OPFan**: Zo… I really don't thin-

**Zo**: Robin, we need your help! 'tells her super awesome special secret plan' If he comes to get me, can you protect me?

**Robin**: 'smiles' Of course Zo-san

**Zo**: Chopper… two words… mouthwash… oh wait, that's one word… then I'll say it twice! Mouthwash, mouthwash!

**Chopper**: You said it three times!

**OPFan**: 'watches nervously as Zo takes out a pink permanent marker' Zo…

**Zo**: Oi Zoro! Let me draw on your face! Please? 'writes "Rainbows R Cool" on his forehead w/ the pink marker' Whoo hoo!!

**Zoro**: WHAT THE HELL?!

**Zo**: Oh crap! Robin, save me! 'hides behind Robin' Oh, by the way, Luffy! I didn't forget you! 'hands him a rubber steak' I stole that from my dog just for you!

**Luffy**: MEAT! ARIGATOU!! 'bites' …huh? It's not meat…

**Zo**: 'laughs' Love y'all!

**Zoro**: 'boots Zo off the ship after Pyro' AND DON'T COME BACK!

**OPFan**: 'whacks Zoro on the head' WHAT DO I KEEP TELLING YOU GUYS ABOUT DISSING THE REVIEWERS?!

**Zoro**: I don't remember ever agreeing to do this stupid column anyways…

**OPFan**: Talk to your captain then. He signed you up for it

**Zoro**: LUFFY!!!!!!!

**Luffy**: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

**OPFan**: 'watches wordlessly as Zoro chases Luffy around the ship' well, we'll end it there for today since this edition is getting pretty long I guess… next one will be up soon! Just a quick reminder: You don't have to post entire scripts on your reviews, I'll write them up. You can just post up the actions you want to do to the crew. Thanks for reading, and look forward to the next update!


	10. Edition 9

**OPFan**: Ready? NEW UPDATE!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

'cricket… cricket…"

**OPFan**: 'sigh' Revised entrance: Ready? NEW UPDATE STARRING THE ONE PIECE CREW!!!

'obnoxiously loud screaming and cheering from all fans including (insert your name here if you are a One Piece fan)'

**OPFan**: okay… we have a new guest coming in today! raifanaticTAKONO is coming in for a while!

**Luffy**: cool! Will we like this person?

**OPFan**: 'reading the review' … I'm not going to answer that question. We'll call her TAKO for typing purposes!

**Luffy:** TAKO?!? (octopus) SANJI! LET'S MAKE TAKOYAKI!!! (fried octopus)

**TAKO**: For Luffy! 'shreds hat in half'

**Luffy**: O.o 'too stunned to move…'

**OPFan:** 'twitch twitch' TAKO… was that really a good idea…?

**TAKO**: BWAHAHAHA! ROBIN! PIN DOWN ZORO!! 'pokes Zoro in the forehead a million times and says zorozorozorozorozorozorozorozoro…' zoros a (ahem) platypus-brained jellyfish-spined peanut butter-faced bad-smelling watermelon-wearing moss-headed lime-haired poop-licking foot-smelling chicken bunny-loving dress-wearing pink-loving candy-obsessed sweat-loving mihawk-loving gay crazy sugar-rushed mariano marimo the 1st!

**Zoro:** 'stress mark' you die NOW

**Luffy**: 'face turning red' YOU! YOU RIPPED MY HAT IN HALF!!!!!!!

**TAKO:** Sanji, be happy! I'm a new Sanji fangirl…

**Sanji**: MELLORINE!

**TAKO**: but I still like to do THIS! 'puts a spider on his head'

**Sanji**: MELLORI- huh? … GAH! SPIDER?! GETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGET-

**OPFan**: O.o 'watching Luffy start really getting mad' TAKO… I think you should run away right about no-

**TAKO**: 'cackling madly' FRANKY! PANTS! PLEASE!!

**Franky**: You're just jealous about how awesomely cool I look in these pants!!!

**TAKO**: 'drinks cola' SUPAH FRESH COLA POWAH! Wanna sing a song about chocolate sushi? CHOCOLATE SUSHI! 'stupid pose'

**Franky**: OI! YOU MAKIN' FUN OF ME?!?

**OPFan**: …duh…

**TAKO**: 'hugs the incredibly cute Chopper'

**Chopper:** GAH! GET OFF ME!! And I'm not cute! Asshole!! 'little happy squiggle dance' Get away from me, I'm not cute at all! Your words don't make me happy at all! Asshole!

**TAKO**: 'hugs Zoro for no reason and sticks a 'kick me' sign onto his back' dude, you STINK! BAD! EVER HEARD WHAT DEODERANT IS? EVER?!

**Zoro**: … 'stress mark'

**Sanji**: 'kicks Zoro over the side of the ship' Go take a bath, damn Marimo!

**Zoro**: THE HELL?!?

**Sanji:** 'watches Zoro go flying' oh wait, he DOES have a 'kick me' sign on his back… who put it there?

**OPFan:** TAKO… really, you should run…

**TAKO**: Ahahaha… Can I hear a story from the "great captain" Usopp? I PROMISE I'LL BELIEVE YOU (or not and STILL laugh)!!! I liked the other story about the three headed monster with six beaks!

**Usopp**: ALL MY STORIES ARE TRUE! DAMMIT!! And speaking of which, yesterday I fought a giant, savage, CANNIBAL FISH! It' was a hundred times bigger than Going Merry, with poop that was a THOUSAND times as lo-

**Zoro**: 'climbs back over the side of the ship' dammit…

**OPFan**: Oi… it pooped while you fought it? It must've not been taking you very seriously...

**Usopp**: Ah… 'gets blue lines on his face'

**TAKO**: 'steals Nami's money and runs away, dumping it in Zoro's lap'

**Nami**: WHAT THE HELL?! GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!!

**Zoro:** GYAH!

**OPFan**: 'watching Luffy nervously' TAKO…

**Luffy**: OI YOU! YOU RIPPED MY HAT IN HALF!!! GOMU GOMU NO PISTOL!!!

**TAKO**: GYAH!! SANJI-KUN! YESTERDAY ZORO THREATENED ME AND LUFFY JUST GAVE ME A BLACK EYE!!

**Sanji**: Don't worry TAKO-chan, I'll get them for you! OI YOU IDIOTS, HOW DARE YOU HURT A LADY!

**Zoro**: She's EVIL!

**Luffy**: SHE RIPPED MY HAT IN HALF!!!

**TAKO**: and go to 'ask sanji' by neondrake39. it's good, I'm in it too!! BYE GUYS! 'sews up Luffy's hat'

**Luffy**: SHE RIPPED MY HAT IN HA- oh, she fixed it! Hey, you're okay!

**Everyone else**: WHAT?!?

**OPFan**: 'laughs nervously while shoving TAKO out the door' Ahahaha… now we have some actual questions for you guys from Kaiser Aldamon! 'takes out notecard' "Dear Straw Hat crew (ps Luffy when you give your hat back to Shanks change your crew's name to Smoker Sucks and Buggy is Stupid)

Nami, what would you do if Sanji stole all your money and used it to buy perverted pictures and books?"

**Nami:** I'd beat him to a pulp, make him return all of it, get my money back, and charge him 1000 percent interest

**Sanji:** And I'd NEVER do that! Not to Nami-san!

**OPFan**: …okay, I actually wouldn't put that past you, but next question! "Luffy, what would I do if I took away all the meat in the universe? (no there are no other universes or any other place that has meat)"

**Luffy**: I'D KICK YOUR ASS AND GET IT ALL BACK!!

**OPFan**: wow, the crew's pretty violent…

**All fans and (insert your name here if you are a fan):** You JUST noticed that?

**OPFan**: no, just said it aloud for the first time. Ahem, "Zoro, if I used your swords and gave Mihawk a 'I Suck and Zoro Rocks' tattoo, what would you do? I gave back your swords after paying your debts to Nami by 'accidentally' pushing Luffy into her so they kiss about 500 times)" 

**Zoro**: I probably wouldn't do much… though Mihawk would've probably killed you

**Nami**: THE HELL?!? THE ONLY THINGS I LOVE ARE MONEY AND TANGERINES!!

**OPFan:** we weren't talking about love Nami…

**Luffy:** …na?

**OPFan**: 'sigh' "Sanji, if I injured your hands soo much that you could never cook again (don't worry Luffy, you get free, unlimited, beyond-tasty food) What would you do to me? And don't try to hurt/kill me, I know people who can make you never love women again."

**Sanji:** I'd probably try to kill you anyways

**Sanji-fangirls and (insert your name here if you are a Sanji-fangirl):** IF WE DIDN'T KILL YOU FIRST!!!

**OPFan:** 'waves hands in the air' Don't kill me! I'm just reading out the questions! Hang on... HOW THE HELL DID YOU GUYS GET IN HERE?! 'boots them off the ship' This is the crew's column, now the Sanji-fanclub column! OUT!!! "Chopper, if I had cancer could you cure me? (you have access to any herb, plant, and tools necessary to cure me)

**Chopper**: …what's cancer? 'ruffles through a million books' cancer… cancer…

**OPFan**: I don't thank cancer exists in the One Piece world… 'reads next question' oh shit… USOPP DON'T KILL ME!! "Usopp I just want to say you stink, your nose grows longer when you tell lies, and that I will unleash a million blood thirsty Kuros with longer claws with venom on them to attack you (no don't you dare say that "I, the brave Captain Usopp will defeat them all", or anything related to that) and no body is around to help you and you have no items except your clothes, doesn't include anything useful"

**Usopp:** WHAT THE HELL! 'pounces' WHY YO-

**OPFan**: Usopp! No attacking the reviewers!!! "Robin, I just want to say you rock! You're smart, can do so much with your devil fruit powers, and are just awesome! PS I'm a guy but don't worry! I won't chase you like a rabid fan asking for a date or anything"

**Robin**: 'smiles' Thank you for the compliments, Kaiser Aldamon-san

**Usopp:** I don't like you

**OPFan**: whew, last question from Kaiser… "Franky, sorry but I don't know who you are. I haven't seen that much of anime or manga, but you're a cyborg, right?"

**Franky:** 'stupid pose' HELL YEAH!!! I'm the coolest cyborg around!!

**OPFan**: 'mutters' not to mention the ONLY cyborg…

**Franky**: OI!!

**OPFan**: 'reads the agenda' Okay, Zo-zemonkeySan's coming ba-

**Everyone:** 'tackles OPFan' NO

**OPFan**: 'steps to one side and everyone attacks the wrong spot' 'opens the door'

**Zo**: I'm not THAT bad, am I? 'receives glares from everyone, which are ignored' Na, of course I'm not! I know y'all secretly love me and Pyro on the inside! …very deep down… WAY deep down… Sanji! Have you ever considered wearing a monicle?

**Sanji**: …huh?

**Zo**: I mean, you only have one visible eye anyways, right? Or are there more invisible eyes you won't tell us about?

**Sanji**: No, I don't-

**Zo**: CHOPPER! SANJI HAS THREE EYES!

**Chopper:** 'stares in amazement' SERIOUSLY?!

**Zo**: We must investigate!! 'starts picking through Sanji's hair like a monkey' … I don't see it…

**Sanji:** OI! OUT OF MY HAIR!!

**Zo**: Usopp! 'tackles' You're so cool! Can I borrow your slingshot?!

**Usopp**: No, you can't-

**Zo**: 'takes it anyway and shoots Zoro in the butt' Whoopsies…

**Zoro**: OUCH! Who did that?!

**OPFan:** Zo… maybe you should calm down a bit-

**Zo**: 'points to Usopp accusingly' He did it! I swear!

**Zoro and Usopp**: LIAR

**Zo**: GYAH! 'hides behind Robin' Thanks Robin! Did you know that Zoro is secretly scared of you? That makes you like the coolest EVER!!

**Robin:** 'smiles' Thank you Zo-san.

**Zo**: Oh yeah and Luffy I'm sorry, I didn't know that meat was rubber… like you. So I made you a hamburger! 'gives him a burnt hamburger' I cooked it myself!

**Luffy**: THANKS!!! 'eats it in one bite' AH! SPICY!!

**OPFan**: Zo… did you put one of Usopp's Tabasco Boshi's on it…?

**Zo**: …Maybe Sanji should give me cooking lessons… seriously, I would pay too! At a reasonable price of course…

**Nami:** Money?

**OPFan:** You're a devil

**Zo**: Okay, I guess that's all for today! … 'kicks Zoro off the boat' That was for kicking ME off! 'shakes fist threateningly' meanie head!!

**OPFan**: THAT'S ENOUGH! 'boots Zo off the ship' … oh shit, I just dissed a reviewer…

**Everyone:** That's what you're always telling US not to do!

**OPFan**: Ahahaha… well it's been sort of a tough session for you guys, hasn't it?

'cricket cricket'

**OPFan**: … I think we can take the silence as an affirmative. Well, I'll get the next update up as soon as possible, so keep posting!


	11. Edition 10

**OPFan**: SORRY FOR THE WAIT, LET'S KICK THIS THING!!

**Sanji**: Something needs to be kicked?

**OPFan**: …it was a figure of speech. First, Zo's coming back in to play with us!

**Crew**: WHAT?!?!?! (place any swear words of your choosing here)!!!!!!

**Zo**: I'm not THAT bad am I? …Na, of course not!! I know ya'll secretly love me and Pyro on the inside!! …Very deep down… way deep down….

**Usopp**: No, we don't

**Luffy:** YOU GAVE ME RUBBER MEAT!! It was still good though…

**Zoro**: 'snore'

**Zo**: Sanji, have you ever considered wearing an monicle? I mean, you only have one visible eye anyway, right? … Or are there more hidden eyes that you won't tell us about?

**Sanji**: I have eyes in the back of my head to watch the fridge.

**Luffy**: YOU DO?!?

**Sanji**: 'puts a foot on Luffy's head' To make sure that YOU don't raid all our food supplies.

**Luffy**: 'gets blue lines on his head' Okay…. I got it….

**OPFan**: Be nice guys.

**Zo**: Chopper! Sanji has three eyes! We must investigate!

**Chopper**: Eh?

**Zo**: 'starts picking through Sanji's hair like a monkey' … I don't see anything…. 'tear'

**Sanji**: MELLORINE!!!!!

**Zo**: Usopp! 'tackles him once again' You're so cool! Can I borrow your slingshot?

**Usopp**: Thanks for saying that I'm cool, but no, you can't borrow my slingsh-

**Zo**: 'takes it anyway and shoots Zoro in the butt' Whoopsies…

**Zoro:** OI!!

**Zo**: 'points accusingly at Usopp' He did it! I swear!

**OPFan**: … who's going to believe tha-

**Zoro**: GET BACK HERE YOU LONG NOSE!!

**Usopp**: GYAAAAAAH!! 'runs away as fast as he can' ITWASNTMEITWASNTMEITWASNTMEITWASNTMEITWASNTMEITWASNTMEITWASNTMEITWASNTMEITWASNTME…!!!!

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrop' wow…

**Zo:** 'hides behind Robin' Thanks much! Did you know Zoro is secretly scared of you? That makes you like the coolest EVER!!

**Robin**: 'smile' Thank you Zo-san.

**Zo**: Oh yeah and Luffy I'm sorry, I didn't know that meat was rubber… like you.

**Luffy**: 'sulk'

**Zo**: So I made you a hamburger! 'gives him a burnt hamburger' I cooked it myself!

**Luffy**: Oh really? Thanks!! 'eats it in one gulp, then starts choking on the burned part'

**Zo**: …maybe Sanji should give me cooking lessons. Seriously, I would pay too! At a reasonable price…

**Nami**: OKAY SANJI! GIVE THIS GIRL COOKING LESSONS!! They'll be 100,000,000 Beli per hour though!

**OPFan**: THAT'S TOO MUCH!!

**Nami**: It is not! It's perfectly reasonable, since Sanji is a top class gourmet cook!

**Zo**: Okay, I guess that's all for today… 'kicks Zoro off the boat' that was for kicking ME off! 'shakes fist threateningly' Meanie head!

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrops and pushes Zo out the door' Okay, that's enough from you.

**Zo**: 'fighting back' Bye bye! See you next time!

**OPFan**: 'slams the door' So now we have THE EVIL TAKONO who has sent in a few questions for you people! (TAKO for short) Ahem… 'opens the door'

**TAKO**: GYAAA! FISH GUTS ON THE TABLE!!"

'stunned silence'

**TAKO**: I LIVE! Ok… Zoro: dude, TELL ME WHO YOUR BOYFRIEND IS! I WANNA KNOW!

**Zoro**: What the hell are you talking about?! I'm a guy for pete's sake!

**TAKO**: Usopp: how are your ballet lessons doing? and where's Sogeking? HE'S YOU! Oh, and tell me a story!

**Usopp**: My ballet lessons are going aweso- I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?!?!? And I'm not Sogeking! Sogeking lives… in your hearts! As for a story, once I battled a huge pencil one time! It had ears twice as big as an elephant's and it was as tall as three houses stacked on top of each other! And I was able to defeat it with only one shot to its groi-

**OPFan**: OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH FROM YOU!!

**Zoro**: Does a pencil even have one?

**Usopp**: Ah…

**OPFan**: We don't need to ask that…

**TAKO**: Franky, DUDE! PANTS! PLEASE!! AND SING A SONG!! 'drinks cola' SUPA FRESH COLA POWAH!! One more thing... I challenge you to DDR!!

**Franky**: No I will NOT wear pants! You're just jealous about how insanely cool I look in these pants! DON'T MAKE FUN OF COLA!!! And I'll kick your ass at DDR, you're on! OW!!

**OPFan**: Unfortunately, we don't have access to a DDR mat at the moment… you'll have to save that for another time…

**TAKO**: Luffy, DO 3RD GEAR!! YOU'RE CUTE WHEN YOU DO THAT!!!

**Luffy**: I know, don't I look cool? Okay, ready, here I g-

**Nami**: 'thwacks him on the head' IDIOT! Are you planning to destroy the ship?

**Luffy**: Oh yeah…

**TAKO**: Sanji!! 'hug' I don't know why I did that, but I still want a chocolate cake!

**Sanji:** MELLORINE!! Coming right up!!

**TAKO**: 'eats cake' IT'S GOOD!

**Sanji**: I'm glad you like it TAKO-chan!

**OPFan**: 'glances at nonexistent watch' Okay TAKO, we need to keep it moving here, so I'm sorry but you're time's up…

**TAKO:** read my stories and "ASK SANJI" (by neondrake99) PWEZ 'puppy eyes'

**OPFan**: 'pushes TAKO out the door' Ah, I'm doing that a lot lately…

**TAKO**: 'bursts back into the room' From ch3, lemme say who's which animal:

Luffy- monkey (D Luffy, haha)

Zoro- bunny (YOU'D MAKE A CUTE BUNNY!)

Nami- birdy (I can only imagine)

Usopp- ostrich I guess (Hoshi was right)

Sanji- panda (YOU'D LOOK ADORABLE SANJI-KUN!!!)

Chopper- (besides a reindeer) puppy

Robin- swan

Franky- hyena (well, you're just as excited, IT'S NOT AN INSULT I SWEAR I LIKE HYENAS!)

Me- kitty (I'LL DRAW A PICTURE AND SHOW YOU!)

**OPFan**: wow… 'pushes out the door' Okay, now you really have to leave, it's Pyro's turn to come on board!

**Crew**: WHAT?!?!

**Pyro**: 'yells over the side of the ship' Who the hell threw me off?

**Zoro**: Hey, she's awake

**Pyro**: Who threw me off?

**Crew**: 'looks at OPFan'

**OPFan**: 'shifty eyes' Heh? Why are you all looking at me? I didn't do anyth-

**Luffy**: OPFan did! 'grins'

**OPFan**: LUFFY!!

**Pyro**: Oh… why?

**Usopp**: We had to continue on…

**Pyro**: Usopp… I'm still going to hurt you… but I can't kill you because Luffy would never forgive me for killing one of his nakama…

**Luffy**: 'nods' That's true.

**Pyro**: Can I come back on the ship?

**Crew**: NO

**Pyro**: Why?!

**Zoro:** You're annoying and you cause trouble

**Luffy**: 'throws the ladder'

**Crew**: LUFFY!!!!

**Pyro**: Thanks Luffy!

**Luffy**: She's cool!

**Pyro**: Here Luffy, meat…

**Luffy**: WHOOHOO!! See, I told you!!

**Pyro**: I'm bored…

**OPFan**: Shit… please don't kill anyone...

**Pyro**: Hey Sanji!

**Sanji:** YES PYRO-CHWAN?

**Pyro:** Want to play games with me?

**Sanji:** Nothing could give me more pleasure to play with the beautiful and divine Pyro-chwan!

**Pryo**: Go jump off the ship…

**Sanji**: 'jumps off'

**OPFan**: O.o Sanji... you are an idiot...

**Pyro**: Robin, want to lay rock paper scissors?

**Robin**: sure…

**Pryo:** Ready? Rock, paper, scissors! 'holds out rock'

**Robin**: 'holds out paper'

**Pyro**: Damn it! I always loose!

**Luffy**: play me, play me!

**Pyro**: okay! 'rock'

**Luffy**: 'rock'

**Pyro**: huh, draw…

(more rockpaperscissors more more more blah)

**Zoro**: You didn't cause that much trouble today…

**Pyro:** yeah… sometimes I don't like causing trouble since it's too much trouble… for me…

**Zoro**: 'raises eyebrow'

**Pyro**: You too… it causes trouble for you too… I know…

**Zoro**: Heh, you're not that bad…

**Pyro**: Thanks, now… who are you and what have you done with the real haramaki?

**Zoro**: Never mind…

**Pyro**: 'smirk'

**Nami**: No flirting guys!

**Pyro**: WE WEREN'T FLIRTING!

**Usopp**: Yeah right…

**Pyro**: Oh yeah, harakaki, can I borrow your katana?

**Zoro**: …

**Pyro**: 'takes anyways' Thanks! YOU'RE DEAD USOPP! For getting me wet and waking me up, those are the two things I hate most…

**Usopp**: 'runs behind OPFan'

**OPFan**: IDIOT WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!?!

**Pyro**: 'swings katana' DIE USOPP!!

**Usopp**: GYAAAAAAAH!!!

**OPFan**: GET AWAY FROM ME!!

**Zoro**: Heh, she did cause trouble after all… 'sees Usopp and OPFan run behind him' Crap…

**Pyro**: 'swings katana' USOPP DIE!!

**OPFan:** 'grabs Pyro's arm and throws her off the ship' THAT'S ENOUGH!!! NO KILLING THE CREW MEMBERS!! Oh Zoro, here's your katana back anyways…

**Zoro:** Thanks…

**OPFan**: Okay, we have a question for you anyways from Doom-muffins.

**DM**: Okie its not really my question though its my 'pokes the person next to me' my nakama's question anyway she wants to know all the eps counting movies that Zolo-kun blushes or is embarrassed. I asked her why she wants to know but she just threw a marshmallow at me

**Luffy**: Ooo, marshmallow!

**Zoro**: Huh?

**OPFan:** I can't list ALL the episodes cause I don't feel like rewatching the entire series at the moment… but here, I'll say the episode where Zoro accidently joins that family of foster kids is really funny…

**Zoro**: HOW DID Y- Robin, did you-

**Robin**: No, I didn't.

**OPFan**: Yeah, Zoro was forced to change his shirt and wore this tight shirt that said "Mommy" across his chest and carry little babies around-

**Crew**: WHAT?!?!

**Zoro**: SHUT UP!

**Luffy**: Zoro, you did that?

**OPFan**: yeah, he went to great efforts to try to avoid you all, but Robin found him, then he defended them from a bunch of loan sharks…

**Zoro**: 'punches OPFan with the flat of his blade' That's ENOUGH.

**OPFan: **'clutches head' owie… well, I'll have to end it here today, but just so you know, in a couple chapters, we'll have a QA/ random actions section dedicated to… LUFFY!!

**Luffy**: AWESOME I GET A CHAPTER ALL TO MYSELF!!

**OPFan:** Yes, you do! SO SEND IN STUFF FOR LUFFY!! That'll happen as soon as I get caught up on the QAs for the whole crew, so it'll probably be another chapter…

**Luffy**: MEAT! MEAT! MEAT! GIVE ME MEAT!

**OPFan**: Please don't send in all the meat in the universe, the ship won't be able to handle it… but we'll see you next time!


	12. Edition 11

**OPFan:** Okay, we've got a loooooooooong update here today so the next chapter can be dedicated to Luffy!

**Luffy:** WAHOO!! I GET A CHAPTER ALL TO MYSELF!!

**OPFan**: That's not to say that the other crew members aren't going to pop in to make sure Luffy doesn't get anything wrong…

**Nami**: There is NO WAY we can leave Luffy alone for a whole chapter…

**OPFan**: Okay, we'll start right away with a visit from Zo-chan1, or lovingly known on this column as Zo.

**Crew**: NO!!

**Zo**: Ohiyo Strawhat crew! I know y'all missed me oh so very much!!

**Usopp**: No we didn't.

**Zo**: 'ignores' Now Franky… I've been thinking about the whole getting in your belly thing… WHY CAN'T I EVEN TRY?!?!?!?! 'S not fair!

**Franky**: Life isn't always fair. Hey… that sounds like a good name for a song! 'pulls out guitar' I'll call it… 'A Man's Thoughts on How Life is Not Always Fair'!!

**OPFan**: …isn't the title just a little too long?

**Franky**: Shut up

**Zo**: Luffy, I think I should join your crew-

**Crew**: NO!!!

**Zo**: 'ignores' I know martial arts and my hair is now officially PINK!! I would fit in perfectly!! Oh, and I gots you a ham sandwich! It requires no cooking skills to make!

**Luffy**: No, you can't join my crew, but thanks for the sandwich!! 'bites' OWW!!

**Zo**: Oops, sorry, I must have dropped some change in there… hehe. Sorry… not. Nami, do you like mangos? I know they're not citrus, but they're still yummy in my tummy…

**Nami**: The only things I love are money and tangerines!

**Zo**: Oh hey, you can have the change in Luffy's sandwich, it's about 100 Beli…

**Nami**: LUFFY GIVE IT TO ME!!

**Luffy:** 'swallows' Huh?

**Nami**: D… did you just…?

**Luffy**: What? What'd I do?

**Nami**: 'tackles' SPIT THAT UP RIGHT NOW!!

**Zo**: 'steals a tangerine when Nami's not looking and slips it in Usopp's purse' Robin, you're so cool!

**Robin**: 'smile' Thank you.

**Zo**: You're welcome! But tell me, what's your secret to being so… what's the word… intimidating? I wanna be just like you!! 'smiles innocently'

**Robin:** I'm not quite sure I understand what you're asking…

**Chopper**: Robin's really smart!! She can figure out anything!!

**Zo**: Zoro, shut up!!

**Zoro: **???

**Zo**: USOPP!! 'tackle' I like to tackle you, you know that? Can I play with your slingshot again? Puhleeeeeeeeeesee??

**Usopp**: Need… air… no… you can't….

**Zo**: 'starts to cry' That's not very nice of you, Long Nose! 'pulls Nami's tangerine out of his purse' NAMINAMINAMINAMINAMINAMI! LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN USOPP'S PURSE!!

**Usopp**: OI WHEN DID YOU PUT THAT IN THERE?!? YOU FRAMED ME, YOU JERK!

**Nami**: 'scary face' U…sopp…

**Usopp**: UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!

**Zo**: I did not frame you! You're not even a picture! Zoro, seriously, shut up.

**Zoro**: I'm not saying anything you idiot!

**OPFan**: O.o

**Zo**: Sanji-kun! Where did you buy your accent? I mean, it sounds so cool, but Zeff, Carne, and the others don't talk like that so you obviously bought it somewhere… tell me!

**Sanji**: I didn't buy it…

**Zo**: Oh. That's cool… coughnotcough. So you wanna teach me how to cook?

**Sanji**: 'hearts' ANYTHING FOR YOU MY BEAUTIFUL ZO-CHAN!!

**Zo**: Okay Zoro you can talk now. Wait, I lied, shut up…

**Zoro:** …whatever… 'goes to sleep'

**Zo**: 'kicks in the gut' DON'T IGNORE ME WHEN I NAG YOU!! 'm sorry! 'pats him on the head' Sanji'll make buttered toast for everyone!! 'glares at Sanji' You WILL make buttered toast.

**Sanji**: YES ZO-CHAN!!

**Zo**: Okay then, see y'all later!! 'blows kisses around' Oh wait, I almost forgot… 'pushes OPFan off the deck'

**OPFan**: GAH!! 'splash'

**Zo**: That is what we call REVENGE!! 'runs away'

**OPFan**: Hey, someone throw down the ladder for me!!! We need to keep this thing moving!

**Crew**: No. We're tired…

**OPFan**: THAT'S WHY THE NEXT CHAPER IS JUST FOR LUFFY NOW THROW DOWN THE LADDER DAMMIT!!

**Luffy**: Okay!! 'throws down the ladder'

**OPFan**: urgh, I'm all wet… oh well. Next visitor is Kaiser Aldamon!!

**KA**: Luffy, I don't think you quite understood my last question about there being no more meat in all existence, if you try to kick my ass I will kill Nami, nobody can try and save her otherwise I'll inject her with deadly poison that will kill her in .01 seconds, and no she cannot escape because she is paralyzed. (But if you kick Usopp's ass (one for shooting down the flying pig blimp that had the little kids in), I won't complain)

**Luffy**: MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT!!

**OPFan**: No, the person's asking what you would do if there was no more meat.

**Luffy**: Then I'd kill a bird or a Sea King or something. If there's no more meat, that means there's no animals, then the Grand Line wouldn't be as dangerous.

**Crew**: 'gapes at Luffy'

**Luffy**: What?

**Nami**: You said something SMART.

**Luffy**: So?

**OPFan**: … okay, next question KA?

**KA**: Alright. Nami, it has come to my attention that I have caught Sanji, and is here being questioned by me, apparently after I used a truth serum on him, he admitted that he spies on you every time you bathe or take a shower, he also admitted on stealing your um… "private clothes"

**Nami**: WHAT THE HELL!?!?! Sanji…

**Sanji:** All lies Nami-san! I'd never do something like that!!

**Crew**: That's doubtful

**KA**: Zoro, just saying earlier but Mihawk wouldn't be able to kill me during the process of giving him the tattoo because I also paralyzed him with a dart gun. Anyway here's my question: if I brought your friend with the blue hair who looks like that weirdo who works for Smoker (sorry I kind of forgot your friend's name) back from the dead, but Sanji started flirting with her would you get angry (like brotherly not jealously)  
P.S she can also kick Sanji's ass

**Zoro**: She probably just would've sliced him up, so no, I don't think I'd be too annoyed.

**KA**: Robin, just wondering, doesn't your devil's fruit power allow you to make more hands and stuff, and if so, how many hands can you make, or is it unlimited?

**Robin:** I'm fairly sure that I have a limit… but I just haven't reached it yet.

**KA**: Usopp, I have taken all of your gadgets, your hometown is under my control, your friends in your hometown all love me, Kuro is back, and you have been beaten up by the Veggie Pirates aka the kids you used to hang out with in your hometown. (Kind of pathetic to get beat up by kids don't you think?)

**Usopp**: …that's… GIVE ME BACK MY FRIENDS YOU JERK!!

**KA**: Sanji, by the power invested in me by OPFan, I demand that you walk into the girl's locker room, steal their clothes, and stare at them while they are taking showers.

**Sanji**: MELLORINE!!!!!! 'rushes off to do KA's bidding'

**OPFan**: pervert…

**KA**: Don't tell Sanji this, but those girls are those really ugly girls, with lazy eyes, deformed lips, and look like men girls.

**Crew**: …

**KA**: Chopper, why do you keep calling everyone an asshole after they say you're cute? I'm not saying you are but you are awesome, but when you eat your rumble ball thing don't you have access to that big puffy form, when you like become a big fuzz ball?

**Chopper**: That's Guard Point. 'squiggle dance' And you saying that I'm awesome doesn't make me happy at all, you asshole! Asshole!!

**OPFan**: He calls people assholes in a pathetic attempt to hide his feelings…

**Sanji**: 'somewhere off-deck' GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

**OPFan**: I think Sanji just discovered what you did... Thanks for your questions KA, you'd better leave before Sanji comes back to kill you!! Now Pyro's coming back to play!!

**Crew**: WHAT?!?!?! (Again, insert any swear word of your choice here)!!!

**Pyro**: Am I that unwanted? I'm not that evil!

**OPFan**: …er… uh…

**Crew**: YEAH YOU ARE!!

**Pyro**: Not as much as TAKO or Zo!

**Luffy**: What're you all talking about? You all give me food, so you're awesome!

**Usopp**: 'falls down and twitches'

**Chopper**: AH USOPP DIED!! Oh wait, he's still alive… he passed out…

**Robin**: Oh dear, it looks like past memories were too much for him…

**Sanji:** 'stumbles back onto the deck, shadows under his eyes and blue lines on his head' urgh... I'm ruined for life...

**Pyro:** HA!! Hey Luffy… meat!

**Luffy**: 'sparkly eyed'

**Pyro**: Hey haramaki! 'throws meat at Zoro'

**Zoro**: Huh?!

**Pyro**: KEEP IT AWAY FROM LUFFY!!

**Luffy:** MEAT!! GOMU GOMU NO… ROCKET!!

**Zoro:** YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME! NAMI! 'throws meat towards Nami'

**Nami:** What?

'splat'

'dead silence'

**Luffy:** Meat! 'grabs mean off of Nami's face and eats'

**Nami:** Zoro, Pyro…

**OPFan:** Oh damn…

**Nami**: YOU BOTH OWE ME MONEY!

**Pyro/ Zoro**: WHAT? That's unfair!

**Nami:** Deal with it!

**Pyro**: So… who wants to lend me money?

**Zoro**: Don't involve me next time.

**Pyro**: Why?

**Zoro**: Because I don't like it.

**Pyro**: Why?

**Zoro**: It's annoying.

**Pyro**: Why?

**Zoro:** STOP THAT!

**Pyro**: 'smirk' Why?

**Zoro**: 'unsheathes Sandai Kitetsu' This is why.

**OPFan**: I said in the last edition that the reviewers cannot kill the characters, that goes the other way around too Zoro! No killing the reviewers!!

**Pyro**: 'sweatdrop' Okay, I get it… 'eyes light up and grabs Sandai Kitetsu' USOPP!

**Usopp**: You hold grudges?

**Pryo**: No, I want to cut your nose in half… it's so long and it irritates me…

**OPFan/ Zoro**: PYRO!

**Usopp**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

**Pryo**: USOPP!!

**Zoro**: Pyro…

**Usopp**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

**Pyro**: USOPP!!

**Zoro:** Pyro…

**Pyro**: C'mere!!

**Zoro**: 'twitches and unsheathes Yubashiri' PYRO! 'swings'

**Pyro**: 'barely blocks' You almost killed me!!

**Sanji**: 'kicks Zoro's head' Don't harm a lady, you shitty Marimo!

**OPFan**: Whoa... quick recovery... are you human?

**Pyro**: Thanks…

**Sanji**: 'smile' Anything for a beautiful lady such as yourself!!

**Nami**: Sanji-kun, I'm thirsty!

**Sanji**: I'll make you a drink Nami-swan!! 'runs off'

**OPFan**: Nami… don't you abuse Sanji a little too much?

**Luffy**: Hey look, a bird!

**Robin**: Isha-san is coming…

**Pyro:** What were you doing tanuki?

**Chopper**: I'M NOT A TANUKI! I'M A TONOKAI!! I was just downstairs…

**Luffy**: 'being ignored' Guys, there's a bird and it's coming down… 'jumps' Gomu Gomu no Rocket!! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!! I'M FLYING!!

**OPFan**: 'looks up and jaw hits the floor' THE HELL YOU'RE FLYING LUFFY, YOU'RE HALF IN ITS DAMN BEAK!!!

**Crew**: WHAT?!?!?!

**Luffy**: Gomu Gomu no Pistol! 'hits the bird'

**Nami**: YOU IDIOT!! YOU'RE FALLING!!

**Luffy**: I am? Oh right… I guess I'd better do something about it. Gomu Gomu no Rocket!

**Usopp**: WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THE BIRD?!?!?!

**Luffy**: Sanji, I brought meat!! Let's have yaktori (fried bird)!!

**Everyone**: 'falls down'

**Pyro**: I think my time is up… so later! I'll be back and next time I'll cause trouble!

**OPFan**: Okay, okay, take your time… We have a question for Sanji from AnimeBabe1031… 'reads notecard' "Sanji… How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie roll center of a Tootsie roll pop?"

**Sanji**: Hm? What's a Tootsie roll pop?

**OPFan:** A type of lollipop… my answer to that is that I suck the thing, so I wouldn't know!! We have another visitor now, a new one named TsukixTaiyou (TxT). 'opens the door, then sweatdrops and tries to slam the door'

**TxT:** 'sticks foot in the door and pushes her way in' Yo everyone! Huh? 'looks around the ship' Hmm? 'sits down on the deck' Huh?

**Luffy**: Who are you?

**TxT:** Eh? You don't recognize me? Oh that's right, I made a new one… OPFan recognized me though.

**Crew**: 'bad feeling'

**TxT:** I knew I haven't made any fics in the other one, but I'll make fics in this one! I promise! Something happened to the email I was using, so I had to make a new one!

**Luffy:** Who are you?

**TxT**: You've seen me before! I was a troublemaker and haramaki wanted to kill me!!

**Robin**: Ah… you're Pyro.

**TxT:** CORRECT!!! I'm the narcoleptic troublemaker, Pyro! How'd you know Robin?

**Robin**: You called Zoro haramaki… only Pyro-san said that…

**Sanji:** Ah! Robin-chwan! Totally observant as always!! 'swoons'

**TxT**: Get lost cook… I changed… NOT!! Sorry, no question, I just wanted a flashy entrance!

**OPFan**: …you succeeded… Bye bye now, come back next chapter. 'tries to push out the door'

**TxT**: 'ignores' Wait, I have one question! Did you ever lay Super Smash melee? I'm always Roy! I like him! He has a fire bleade! OH SO COOL! 'glomps Roy'

**Roy**????

**OPFan**: Who the hell are you? I don't know who you're are, but this is the wrong show. Goodbye.

**TxT**: Oh yeah, I was confused earlier. What happened to haramaki's girlfr- I mean, Hoshi-san? Did she die? I was wondering…

**Hoshi**: Nah, I'm still among the living. I've been watching this whole thing from the side and laughing my head off, but OPFan has yet to put me into the long-awaited sequel…

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrops' Ahahaha… sorry, writer's block is a terrible thing… I know this is off topic, but if anyone has any ideas, please send them in!!

**TxT**: Sorry, I know this is a question corner and people will hate me for doing this, but I want to be known as Pyro again, so please keep calling me Pyro!

**OPFan**: Okay, okay, goodbye now. 'pushes out the door and wipes forehead' Okay, Robster80 has a few questions to ask and has something to do to the Strawhats, so please come in!

**Robster80**: Thanks! Question One: Robin, what would your reaction be to the small but strong cult following you and Luffy as a couple?

**Robin**: Well, people are free to do as they please…

**OPFan:** What's the point of asking Robin something like that? Robin's like thirty, and the rest of the gang's in their teens… twenty year difference people.

**Robster80**: Nami, give it up girl, we know how you feel about Luffy. And if you deny it, I'll take action.

**Luffy**: Na?

**Nami: **'turns beet red' THE ONLY THINGS I LOVE ARE MONEY AND TANGERINES!! Luffy's my captain and my friend, but that's IT.

**Robster80**: 'sigh' I have no choice then… 'rushes in and dips Nami in a long kiss'

**Crew**: 'stare'

**Nami**: 'turns even redder' THE HELL?!?!

**Sanji**: OI GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF NAMI-SAN!!

**Robster80**: 'kicks Sanji in the shins and quickly shakes hands with the rest of the male nakama, pecks Robin on the cheek, and then runs around trying to escape from Luffy and Sanji'

**OPFan**: 'holds the door open and waving frantically' In here!! IN HERE!!

**Robster80**: 'waves, then dashes through the door and heads for the hills'

**OPFan:** 'slams door shut and wags her finger at Sanji and Luffy' No, no, no, you guys aren't allowed in the real world. You'd become 2D if you did, so don't go. Ahem, remember that **next chapter is Luffy's chapter, so send in stuff for Luffy!!**

**Luffy:** 'chomping on an insanely big drumstick' BRING MEAT!!

**OPFan:** Is that from the bird earlier...? Never mind, I don't want to know. Just send in your stuff!


	13. Edition 12 LUFFY SPECIAL!

**OPFan**: Okay, here's the long awaited chapter with Luffy!!

**Luffy**: YAHOO!! A whole chapter for me!!

**OPFan**: O.o Calm down… Anyway, first up with questions is Zo!

**Zo**: Yay! It's still me 'Zo' I had to change my name for… reasons. I bet you wanna know huh? Don'tcha? Don'tcha? … Well too bad! It's a secret! 'grins'

**OPFan**: Zo… please get to the point…

**Zo**: LUFFY!! A whole chapter for you! That means you're special! Like Zoro, but he's special for… different reasons!

**Hoshi**: Now… what reasons would fall under 'different reasons'? 'pulls out her whip'

**Crew (minus Luffy):** 'grabs her' Hoshi, no, don't do anything!!!!!

**Luffy**: Huh? You guys were all here? This is MY chapter!!

**Crew**: ……………………

**OPFan**: For once, Luffy's right! OUT YOU GUYS!! Or at least go back to your hiding spots…

**Zo**: 'pokes' Hm… 'pokes' I feel like I forgot something… oh well! Luffy, have you ever tried to grow a mustache?

**Luffy**: Huh? A mustache? 'thought bubble with Luffy and a really big handlebar mustache'

**OPFan**: 'puts a piece of cardboard over the thought bubble with CENSORED in big red letters'

**Zo**: How 'bout a beard?

**Luffy**: 'gets another thought bubble'

**OPFan**: 'puts another piece of cardboard over the thought bubble with her other hand'

**Zo**: Would you shave your head for a bet?

**Luffy**: No, but… 'gets yet another thought bubble'

**OPFan**: 'holds a piece of cardboard between her toes, trying to cover up all three pictures at once' It's too painful to look at…

**Zo**: You know you'd look cute in pig tails… 'grabs a couples scrunchies' Don't worry, I won't take long!

**Luffy**: 'looses all the thought bubbles' H-hey, stop! What a-

**OPFan**: 'falls down'

**Zo**: 'wrestles Luffy's hair into pigtails' KAWAII!! You DO look adorable!

**OPFan**: 'twitches' Zo… saying 'kawaii' is pushing it a bit…

**Zo**: Oh ho ho! Well I guess that's all I can think of for now… OMG I forgot your meat! 'runs away' Sorry! 'laughs'

**Luffy**: 'chases' MEAT!

**OPFan**: 'grabs Luffy's ear and it stretches as he runs' You're not allowed to go anywhere, we still have a few more people to cover.

**Luffy**: Phooey…

**OPFan**: 'lets go of Luffy's ear' Well, here we are, the next person is… um…

**Zo**: Ohh I have more questions for Luffy now, cuz my last one was all about his hair…

**OPFan**: 'twitches' You…

**Zo**: Ahem… LUFFY CAN I TOUCH YOUR HAIR?!?!? It's so shiny and smooth-looking! Please?!? I'll have Sanji make you a big fat ham if you let me!!

**Luffy**: Okay!!! Meat!!

**Zo**: Whoo hoo!! 'ruffles Luffy's hair'

**Nami**: 'rises from her hiding place with stress mark' Now… Might I ask what you are doing Zo?

**Luffy**: Yo Nami! She said she'll get Sanji to make me some meat if I let her do this!

**Nami**: 'twitches'

**OPFan**: Ahahaha… 'pushes Nami back into her hiding spot' Zo, you might want to stop now…

**Zo**: Oh and um my imaginary friend who really isn't imaginary because it's actually me making them up because I don't want you to think that it's me, wants to know why you don't seem to have leg hair… yeah…

**Luffy**: Leg hair? I've never thought about it…

**OPFan**: 'mutters' Do you 'think' at all? Or just go by pure instinct?

**Zo**: Yeah, hair… I dunno why, so don't ask. Oh, and I got you a hot dog cuz I forgot last time. It's not cooked though, I was too scared to actually try to cook it.

**Luffy**: Hey no problem! Thanks! 'takes the hotdog and chews on it'

**OPFan**: 'glances at nonexistent watch' Okay Zo, your time's really up. 'pushes out the door' Next, we'll have Pyro come in! 'whispers' Damn…

**Pyro**: GRAH!! OPFan, why'd you try to lock me out?! How cruel!

**OPFan**: You have a (insert word of your choice here) reputation on this column you know…

**Pyro**: Chocolates! I want chocolates! My sister ate the whole pack of chocolate covered macadamias… oh, yo Luffy! Here, niku for you! 'throws a bunch of meat'

**Luffy**: YEAH!! 'dives'

**Pyro**: 'smirks and grabs his hat' Nope, not yet… eat it when I leave!

**Luffy**: WHAT?!

**OPFan**: Pyro, that's just torture…

**Pyro**: 'ties Luffy's arms and legs' There, then I'll eat the meat myself! I like meat too you know!

**Luffy**: You're mean.

**Pyro**: Oh and I highlighted my hair green! Now everyone makes fun of me, but I kick them… REVENGE! OH YEAH! 'bites into the meat' This meat is really good!!

**Luffy**: 'drooling'

**OPFan**: …wow…

**Pyro**: That never works on me… 'takes another bite' Mm, so good!!

**Luffy**: GRAH! 'stretches his neck and eats the whole pile of meat'

**Pyro**: 'stares' Luffy! Spit that out right now! That's my lunch!!

**OPFan**: Your fault Pyro… well, it's Kaiser Aldamon's turn, so I'm sorry, but you have to leave! 'boots off the ship' Hi Kaiser! Feel free to ask your questions!

**KA**: Okay! Luffy, would you eat your friends if they were made out of meat?

**Luffy**: No way! They're my nakama!!

**OPFan**: … but aren't humans technically made of meat anyways…?

**KA**: Exactly how do you live off eating meat? What about nutrients and that kind of stuff? 

**Luffy**: Five basic food groups! Meat, Sanji's food, seafood, beer, and meat!!

**OPFan**: O.o He actually knew there were five basic food groups?! Though his idea of them is wrong…

**KA**: Have you ever been in love, not friendly or family but romantic love?

**Luffy**: I love my friends and family and my nakama!!

**OPFan**: That would fall under everything that KA said NO to…

**Luffy**: Huh… no, I don't think so…

'barrel coughthatNamiishidingbehindcough gives off an enraged squeak'

**OPFan**: 'sweatdrops'

**KA**: Do you like pie?

**Luffy**: YES!! They're fun to throw!! And better to eat!!

KA: Do you like tacos?

**Luffy**: 'blinks' What are tacos?

**OPFan**: I don't think they have tacos in that world… oh well, I like tacos with beef, lettuce, tomatoes, and sour cream, for future reference!

**Luffy**: Is there anyone else?

**OPFan**: Nope! This is the end of your chapter Luffy! I'll say that the next chapter is a ZORO SPECIAL!!

**Zoro**: HEY! I didn't agree to this!!

**OPFan**: Read between the lines of the fine print of your contract. 'sticks tongue out' Geez, I bet this is gonna get chaotic 'cause people on this site LOVE tormenting Zoro…

**Zoro**: Damn…

**OPFan**: SO NEXT TIME IS A ZORO SPECIAL!! TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND THE WHOLE WORLD BECAUSE THIS IS A ONE-TIME OPPORTUNITY!! ONE TIME ONLY!! Maybe if you all are good, I will let this opportunity come again, but as it stands right now, ONE TIME OPPORTUNITY!!!!!!


End file.
